Not... the best... but not the worst?

I don't know. At this point I could claim this day to go both ways.

Good Stuff:

• Lowes! I love me some hardware store shopping. Possibly too much.
• The house. It is mine. Not technically. But it's a definite yes for living here next year.
• Spaghetti dinner! Twas quite delicious.
• Alumni Jazz Band! It should happen!
• The troupe that went to ITS this year won! They're moving on to the nationals! Go Kim and Andrew!!!

Bad Stuff:

• I miss everything like a BITCH right now. Seeing everybody at the dinner tonight, and then looking at pictures from this year's ITS fest. Bad.
• I miss jazz as well. I don't play it enough anymore.
• I scratched open Dad's old wound by bringing up plans for next year. He's just not happy now that the house is completely skipping him and coming to me, basically.
• Talking to Becky and just more affirmation that I have no friends at UNCG while the Wake kids have soooo many friends. Especially each other. I would give anything to have my friends back.
  
• While I was in the car I thought how easy it would be to just run the car into a tree. Suicidal thoughts. WTF. That really scared me.

I'm really exausted. And the more I think about it the more I realized that it's just not a very good day right now. I should probably go to bed. And sleep it off.

:/

Concentrations and Cars

Oh man.. second blog today... I must be stressed...



So... I have advising coming up in a week and a half. This means I get to spend an hour trying to figure out how I want my life to go for a semester. I can go with an impossible schedule (18 credit hours including a theatre class) or I can slack off (14 credit hours and barely anything difficult). I think I'll go with another 18 hour semester... but not with insane classes. UGH. I hate advising. And registering. I'll just be glad when this semester is over!


So cars! I'm gonna look into getting one this summer. Oh man. Talk about a reality check. I'm buying my first car. I know exactly what I want, too. I've thought about it for a while. A 2009 purple Honda Fit Sport. The price tag on that one is $18,000-$19,000. The thing is, I found exactly what I want. Unfortunately it's in Winston-Salem (although that would buy me some awesome highway time with it when I bring it home). And it's a little higher than I'd like to pay. (It's kinda funny when your car costs more than your college tuition.) [Car can be seen here.]
The one I linked there is about $18,000 (MSRP, of course. I can probably talk that down, though.) But when I got a quote from Crown Honda of Greensboro they said about $19,630. So perhaps the price of the one in W-S isn't so bad; especially if we can talk it down. We'll see I suppose. Although honestly I shouldn't do this to myself yet... I really should get a job before I look at cars.

And unfortunately all of this shopping around has led me to the realization that I don't want anything older than the 2009. And I specifically want the Fit Sport. I've become far too picky for my first car. Dammit.

Well...... I'll probably talk to my dad about the... well... a car this weekend while we get the lumber for the picnic table! :D

I think I may be a little strange...

My newest dream/goal is to ride trains like a hobo for a summer. I think I may be a tad strange for that... But I think it would be sooo much fun. I would probably have to do it alone... But I think that may be part of the magic for me...

I would bring just a few things:

• a camera (hopefully by then I would have bought my own...)
• a super huge memory card for the camera
• I MAY bring my computer... only to use when I'm downloading pictures (yay flickr!)
• my phone. I want at least some way to keep in touch with my family.
• iPod. No music makes me craaaazy. I wouldn't survive without it.
• I probably wouldn't take more than an extra shirt or two... and probably wouldn't have extra pants.

It's not the most glamorous lifestyle... But it is really attracting me right now...



Oh- and update on the picnic table:
It's a good possibility! My dad seemed interested in the fact that I wanted to do it... So it's probably going to happen! :D

Easter!!!

IT IS COMING!!!!

I'm an agnostic (leaning atheist) I'll go ahead and make that very clear; I'm not into Easter for the Jesus thing. I'm into it for the same reasons I'm into Christmas (although Christmas is a whole different level of excitement. Oh BOY do I get excited...) I love the candy, the feeling of the season (yaaaay spring!!!) and the presents. There aren't enumerous presents, but they're there. And they're fun. For example: I got a Beatles poster in 5th grade; a reproduction of the poster used to advertise their show at Shea Stadium.

But this year I would really like to have a party; the theme: an afternoon tea. On Good Friday. At this stage in the planning I'm just doing a preliminary "do you think you can come?" count. So far I've asked 2 people... and both said yes for now. So I'm going further and actually starting to plan some things out. Should be fun!

But what I'm thinking right now:
I wanna build a picnic table! :D
I think it would be fun... I'll definitely be writing a blog about that experience (assuming I actually follow through with it) and I'm pretty pumped about it. I'm gonna try to do it this weekend. I found some free plans online, and the tools are pretty standard, so it's just a matter of buying the lumber and hardware!

Yay!

Letters to Anonymous

It's been a while since I've actually done this. And I try to do it several times a year just because it's nice to say things and stop ruminating on them. I was inspired to write my first Dear Anons note of 2009 by Andrew's blog (which I'm not sure he knows I read... but I do. And I would just like to commend him on that last post about the annoyances of Facebook. Bravo. I agree with just about all of it. Some things I could argue with, but I don't really want to. I don't have a strong opinion either way about it, and there's no use in arguing about something I don't care that much about.)

That being said let's get right down to it.



Dear Anonymous,
Why are you so far away? (Sooooo Faaaar Awaaaaay! I had to. Sorry.) You just had to be amazing and smart and everything and get into a private school and leave me. BOO ON LIFE for being all reality and shit.
I miss you. A whole helluva lot. :(

Dear Anonymous,
Every single time I EVER have a conversation with you it always - ALWAYS ends up being about you again. Even if I call you, knowing I only have 15 minutes until my class starts, to tell you about something that just happened or I just heard about you STILL usurp the conversation to be like "OMG LEMME TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY!" No. No no no no NO. Let me tell my goddamn story first. I am then left with 2 minutes to tell a 15 minute story. And usually when you call me (or rather, I call you because you wanted me to when I was free) I tend to tune out after you tell the story the first time. After that you go into details and I stop paying attention. Sometimes I don't even have to put in the occasional "yeah. Uh huh. Right." Although you'll ask if I'm still there. That's a sign right there: if you have to ask if I'm still there I'm probably bored out of my mind wondering why I'm wasting my minutes to hear the same damn story several times with repeated unnecessary details for 40 minutes.
Shut the hell up and let me talk sometime.

Dear Anonymous,
I love you, but you're a mess. Whenever I talk to you (more like whenever you talk at me) it's always severely depressing and I'm tired of it. When I'm in the rocking chair listening to music it's because I don't want to talk. I don't want to hear it. I just want to listen to my music and maybe read a book. I can't escape it because you wait for me to sit down there and I can't get up and leave! That would be rude and you would get pissed. I can't escape!
Stop trapping me and leave me alone!

Dear Anonymous,
My laptop is not for playing games (specifically). I do work on it. So stop asking. Kthanks.
I really miss you though. Despite how much you piss me off sometimes. Love ya, kid! And stop getting so damn tall! And your voice needs to stop getting deeper. Oh and stop growing up. Ok, that's all.

Dear Anonymous,
That house will never be for sale. I am going to live there. Get over it.

Dear Anonymous,
You are a great guy - - - In person. On Facebook you're just a pretentious asshole. All of your notes that people praise so much? We all talk about them behind our back, and generally end up laughing and/or sighing and shaking our heads. What happened to you? When I talk to you in person you seem to revert back to your jovial self that I knew in high school, but whenever you say anything online it seems like you're picking the biggest words you can find and trying your hardest to come off as deep and prophetic. Give up, man. For every person that comments and says "this is great" there's probably 3 other people looking at it and saying "get a life!"
Stop acting like a prophet. You're no personal Jesus.

Dear Anonymous,
I need to get off my ass and get to the International Program's office so we can go to England together! I really miss you quite a lot, and I think I miss you the most right now. You are probably the only person in the world who cheers me up on a pretty daily basis, and you are constantly making me happy and putting a smile on my face. Of course your whore-of-a-roommate is putting a damper on your happiness, and I need to go down there and fuck a bitch up like I promised. Soon. Very soon.
It's been waaaaaaay too long since I've seen you and I miss you hella lots!



That's it for now.
I'm sure I'll come up with more later.



What's odd about it is that I don't have this satisfaction now like I usually do after writing these... I don't understand.
Maybe as the day goes on I'll figure it out and if I add more letters on I'll try to add what I'm thinking it is.

Oh, blog. You are so fantastically nice to listen to me bitch and moan.

A Real Blog Post.

(The blurb I wrote earlier today was just an impulsive thing. More of a Twitter-type blog/post than something that belongs on blogspot. But because this is a personal blog and that was a legitimate impulsive feeling I had at the time I'm just going to leave it.)

I feel like a lot of shit tends to happen at once, and unfortunately during this spring break my depression has adopted a bit of a manic quality to it. I'll be super happy for the afternoon, and then when I get back to the house at night something will happen and I'll immediately plummet back down to reality. Of course reality for me right now is that when spring break is over I go back to having one friend that I share absolutely no classes with, nor do we live in the same dorm (or even a dorm "close by"... of course that's all relative when you're talking about on-campus housing) and I'm really bummed that I don't 1- see her that often and 2- have more friends.

Another reality is that despite my determination to live in this house next year once I stopped cleaning non-stop I just sort of stopped cleaning altogether. I know i should be doing more, and I know that if I don't have enough done before the summer I won't be able to finish cleaning, have that yard/estate sale and have everything where I want it by the time school starts again. Especially considering I need a job. I will be applying just about everywhere that I can at Friendly Center/The Shops at Friendly in hopes that I will get something close by (the only exception: Harris Teeter. I will NEVER work at that god-forsaken hell hole.) I'm kind of hoping for P.F. Changs (big tips!), Ulta (discount on makeup!), or the Apple Store (psh, yeah right!) or even the Jewel Box (is that what it's called? I forgot...) Oh well, we'll see how that goes.


One of the things that's really getting to me right now is this lack of a properly functional car.
As great as Tybalt has been for me (to the best of his ability really) I'm getting to the point that I'm despising that car. A '93 (or is he '92?) Honda Civic DX. Bottom of the line, base model, absolutely nothing special about him. I'm ready to get my own car and love it to pieces. (I want a new Honda Fit. The purple one.) I also just want something that will be fun to drive (rather than the fretfulness I experience with Tybalt's ghetto-ass noises. I don't even know what some of those noises are!) It would also be nice to not have to worry about highways. I don't feel comfortable taking Tybalt onto the highway anymore.

So let's recap:
I lack friends.
The house isn't where I want it.
I don't have a job.
I want a new car.


Do I have anything positive going for me right now?
Well, hopefully plans for Friday night will work out, but with how things are going now that's doubtful.
And I guess that I'm not in school? Although at this point if I was at school I would have an excuse to not get into the car and risk a drive out to wherever I go. (In all honesty I'd probably just drive out to the airport or just drive until I find somewhere dark, lay out a blanket, and look at the stars. Oh how I love the stars and how much they center me.)

"I live to function
On my own is all I know
No friends to mention
No distraction, nowhere to go"

Common Interests

Have you ever felt alone?




There seems to be a lot of that going around lately.

Orange Filter Sky

Oh spring break, how wonderful your sense of time is!

I don't think I could've made it through another week of school. (OK, school I could do; the living situation/dorm room/sharing my personal space with another person situation? Not so much.) Don't get me wrong, I think my roommate's nice (albeit a very judgemental, warm-blooded nice person). We have fun when we both loosen up a bit and she gets her nose out of a book and I get mine out of facebook. (Don't judge me, my priorities are just fine.)

However, I'm missing people something AWFUL right now. I miss having long conversations about everything. It's surprising how much I actually talked about stuff that meant something in high school. At graduation I probably would have said that the bulk of my meaningful conversation was with my dad, who generally is the bulk of my conversation PERIOD (I love the man almost as much as he loves the sound of his own voice. And I love my dad a whole helluva lot.) But as it turns out it was mostly with friends.

GAH; I'm just ready to get this semester over with and move into a room of my own and finally be truly happy again. I miss people and I miss privacy and I miss a bathroom that isn't shared with anywhere between 20 to 30 girls.

Ugh. I feel like I've been looking at nothing but words for the past hour. (Oh wait... I have!) I don't think I can comprehend anything else but TV for the next at least half an hour. Then back to the boys' blog. I won't lie - I'm really excited to read this and put in my two cents. Although I usually can't write on a debate as eloquently as I can speak about it, which is odd considering when you write you can use the internet to your advantage by looking things up. I guess I just prefer seeing people's reactions to what I say?

And so I leave you possibly confused, me utterly sick of looking at this font, and possibly leaving to go get something cheap to eat. If I feel willing enough to spend the money. (I've found that stingy-ness is the best diet. You won't eat a lot if you aren't willing to pay for a lot!)