living

I felt like going somewhere today. And despite the quasi fear of my car on a highway, I did it.

Granted there's not a whole lot of adventurousness involved tonight - I only went as far as Winston-Salem. But still. Nobody knows where I am. (At least until they read this.) And it's kind of liberating.

When I got up out of my chair to go to the car it was my full intention to just go to Tate St. and enjoy a coffee and peruse the art gallery. I changed my mind pretty much when I was walking out. I decided to go for W-S instead and sit in a local coffee shop and enjoy the freedom and think on life. I did eventually make it to the coffeeshop (my current location while I type this out) but I was distracted by a sort of a festival thing that apparently goes on every week here. It's pretty amazing. I got to go through lots of little shops, getting jewelry ideas and the like. And then I started a quest for a coffee. It was a little more difficult than I imagined it would be. I did eventually find one and after engaging the guy behind the counter in a bit of friendly chit chat I asked him what's good and eventually landed on a sort of a frozen latte. It doesn't have coffee, but that's ok. It's damn delicious. It's a blackberry vanilla flavor and I'm falling in love with it. There are cute little windows for me to sit and and people watch. They're watching me too. Something is telling me that I look like the poster child for Mac right now - blogging in a local coffee shop window. Visible for everybody to see the gorgeous glowing apple. Meh. I'm happy. :)

I do plan on just going back to Greensboro tonight and watching a movie. I've yet to decide what. I have "The Road to El Dorado" - the Disney movie - or "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" - talk about diametric. I'm feeling Fear and Loathing what with the recent living room adventures and the road trip tonight. But at the same time... you just can't go wrong with Disney! But that will be a fun little night cap to this wonderful evening.

But let's talk magic for a while. And I mean natural magic.

While I was driving here I got to drive west into the sunset. Tonight was one of the more spectacular sunsets that I've had the privilege to be driving into, the whole sky was just neon. And gorgeous. But not only that was magic tonight - - -

I saw a shooting star.

In the middle of the sunset I got to watch a shooting star fall. It was a cyan blue and it was HUGE. I can't believe it. It had the shape of the star that you see in all the Christmas cards - you know, the one that the wise men followed. And oh my god it was gorgeous. I'm still reeling over what magic it was. And especially that I got to see it. I feel like it would've been a totally different feeling had somebody else been there. But this was just pure magic - just for me.

Tonight has been one of the best nights I've had in a VERY long time. All it took was the declaration to live.

WHAT.... is your quest?

My quest is...

...to find a new screenname.

I'm interested in switching everything over to wordpress. I'm just going to test the waters at first, y'know... See whether I liked that one better or not. The thing blogger has going for it is that it's part of gmail, which is the provider of my school email. So... yay? But I mean, that's not a big deal.

Probably the biggest deal is the name. I don't particularly care for "screw you i'm hanging up" just for the fact that I think hanging up on the phone instantly wins you douche status for life. (I imagined a tattoo: Douche 4Life. Lyfe? Hmm...) Anyways. The minute I think of something I like I'm moving on over.

I may or may not take my blogs with me... Maybe a few that I really like. And then I'll actually start tagging them. @_@

But the biggest use for the screenname is to avoid all those Awkward Andies on AIM. You know what I'm talking about. We all do. Those people who you trade names with in middle school, or the ones you haven't seen since graduation but still randomly chat you up, or those few people you trade names with for a class (*coughFrenchRevolutionGamecough*). I just want one to give to a select group of people. I'd like something that I don't have to be invisible on for most of the time. (PS- thank god for the invisible status. I would probably be very unhappy without it. Either that or I'd have an excessive amount of screennames.)

I may compile a list here. Or maybe just on a stickie note on my desktop. But whatever happens, I hope it happens soon. Maybe the peacepipe will tell me?

Possibilities so far:

Tuneful Toucan (going with my tribal name as given to me by Chief Big Bear)

LOLfarmhouse (hahahahahahaha. no. but still. LOL)

and a small side note:

fml.

a small update:

go to space

in a pencil shaped shuttle

become a jellyfish

lay in a big green field with tons of purple flowers

chill.

it was SO good.

(can't wait for next time.)

...rawr

FUCK NEBRASKA.

just..... btdubs.

Liz and I just sort of realized tonight that it was weird going 2 days without Andrew...

How the fuck are we going to do a week?!

oh darling

I've never been the darling. Maybe the darling daughter, the darling older child. But those don't count. I'm not in competition with my brother to be the older daughter.

Don't take this post wrong - I love this girl dearly. She is my oldest, bestest friend. But I've been living in her shadow pretty much since I became friends with her. So I do have a few things I hold in that are just going to come out in the blog.

She was the darling of theatre. And history. And english. And sometimes I feel like if our group had to kick out one person - me or her - they would immediately choose her. Unanimously. No second thoughts.

Of course they wouldn't decide unanimously with no second thoughts. (Well... no second thoughts, for sure... right?) But I just feel like I'm that tag on the mattress that nobody rips off because it's just not done. They have me around because I'm a friend... And I come with her.

I don't really know what the point of this is. I'm not going to be able to be as cool as she is, as badass, as witty, as smart, as focused, as accomplished, or as wanted. But hopefully someday somebody will come along and make me finally feel like the darling of his life; no longer second string.

getting a few things off of my chest.

Ok. 1 - Get the fuck out of my chair. That's MY goddamn chair, will you please get your ass out of it. I still don't know how you got it... But I'm claiming it back. Please. GTFO.

2- Wash some damn dishes. They aren't mine. If I make something I wash it almost immediately, and I take care of it. Especially with the pots and pans. I am SO tired of not having a pot to cook ramen in. That's why I make it in the microwave. I don't want to clean your narsty mac & cheese residue. I'm going to get plates and silverware for me, and that's all I will use. Then you can see which dishes are yours.

3- Sorry we didn't invite you to smoke tonight, but you were in here with the party. It would be weird for the guests if both of the people throwing the party leave. Plus it was nice bonding time for me and the boys. And it makes me a little more hopeful for joining them on the trip to Philly for PT. I don't want to push myself on them for what promises to be an epic trip, but it would be pretty fucking amazing if I got the chance to go.

But. I want to end on a happy note.

And for that I just want to reiterate that I love my friends more than anything else in the world. I don't know where I'd be without them. <3

just pretend this title is witty.

I'm feeling a little tired tonight. I can't tell you why though.

Pretty much every single night this past week somebody's been over and the party house was really pumpin strong. Tonight's the first night I could go up to the room and just hang out alone for a while. It was soooooo nice. I love Liz, but this is the first time in a good week (if not longer) that I got to just relax and watch a movie (Rushmore) and listen to some music. I also brought the guitar up for a bit.

Unfortunately this has also got me wanting to sing at the top of my lungs. But I don't know what I would sing if I did have something. Times like this make me wish I could write songs. Like... legit singer/songwriter stuff. I am so jealous of people who can just sit down, write a song, and record it. Any time I attempt to write lyrics they sound horrible. I'm never ever proud of any of my stuff. Whatevs. Maybe someday.

I still want to sing though. This may warrant a late-night trip out to Harris Teeter by myself or something. Just some way to get out in the car and drive somewhere alone to get out the singing craving.

Makes me wish I was the only one in the house again. :/

The happiness is almost overwhelming.

Thunderstorms.

Firepit.

Getting the living room really clean.

Rearranging furniture into a bangin setup.

Spending real quality time with some of my favorite people.

Interview at dream job tomorrow!

So, despite thunderstorms earlier (that would've been amaaazing had they not woo woo'd on the prospect of a fire.) BUT. Then it stopped raining, and we went ahead and did that junk anyway! And it was so nice. Although I'm kind of just now realizing that I never had a legit dinner. I sustained myself on s'mores. At least not until later, when I just made a sandwich. Whatevs. It was a hella fun night. I also learned I'm not that big on white wine.

Mmmm. My friends are the best in the world. I would be totally lost and depressed without them. They are the best part of my life. By far.

And I am feeling pretty good about this interview. This is the kind of place that I wouldn't complain about working. I mean it's all one big party. Of course I get the dirty work of the party - taking care of making sure a whole load of kids are happy the whole time - but it should be super fun. And pretty good pay, from what I hear. I think you get a set pay for every party, plus tips. Yay tips!

I'm hopeful and excited, and ready.

a few quotes

Tonight didn't quite go as expected. Liz and I left Mary's grad party a bit early to spend some time with Andrew and Nick, fully expecting a good time with lots of chatting and laughing; probably with smoking a cigar out in the backyard. Mmmmmmyeah. No. Not so much. Let's just say things escalated very quickly and it ended up with me and Liz sitting there and me wondering how the HELL things got as bad as they did.

Anyway, we eventually ended up on the patio smoking our cigars anyway (we weren't gonna go all the way out to Battleground and not partake tonight.) And we talked. It was good. We got things out to each other, and released a lot of the frustration. And we both feel that it wouldn't be as bad except for the guilt trip mentioned in the previous post. We're both more mad at her than Andrew. But... whatevs. I did end up sending a text to Andrew, and let him know that I hated the way the night ended and felt a little better. But while we were talking a few quotes and quotations came up. I usually end up mixing my quotes, but they all generally end up with the same conclusion. Of course tonight I came up with a pretty good one. It's the kicker at the end.

Let's go through what I'd like to iterate for tonight.

"This is the best of all possible worlds."

~ Dr. Pangloss, "Candide" by Voltaire

I am a HUGE fan of Candide. My first introduction was really AP Euro last year, when we studied Voltaire, and I decided to write a paper on him, and focused on Candide after reading the SparkNotes for it. Then I discovered the musical after doing the overture in band, and finding the DVD at the library. It was amazing. And I would love to own it.

Anyway... The whole point of the story is that it's stupid to just accept things to happen, it's a satire on Communism/Socialism. But I've found that if you really think this to be the best of all possible worlds, then it WILL be.

"It is what you make it"

I mean, this is a pretty popular saying. I tend to pair it with Dr. Pangloss' wonderful insight.

Here's my own personal addition to the inspirational table:

"Life sucks, so just sit back and enjoy the blow job."

Not something I'll be telling my family anytime soon... But it works.