graaaaaaah why?!

You ever get tired, go up to bed, and then RIGHT when you're about to fall asleep you get a damn creative spark that you MUST write down before it's forgotten?

It's worse for me now that I have Notion. I'm really excited that I have a way to finally write down the little musical lines that tend to float into my head. But at the same time - it's 4 in the morning. I want to be sleeping. And I really was about to sleep. But I had a spark that I wanted to get written. Luckily It proved to be worth it because I had a sort of chain reaction that led to an entire melody for a soprano (or alto, but the fact that it's a melody means it's most likely the soprano part) and an idea that could possibly get off the ground eventually.

And a new push-to-the-end phrase for when creativity leads to struggle:

Dig through the cliché shit to find your diamond.

So the moral of this story:

I'm digging through some cliché shit to find a diamond of a short play/musical idea. The musical "The Last Five Years" is a bit of my inspiration for this. If I'm lucky I can get Mrs. V to get one of her classes to do it for a small showcase maybe. I could come in and do some work with the singers and design and everything. I think it could be fantastic. The only thing is I have to write a play. And some songs. But I mean... whatever happens happens. I don't know if it's the creative high right now or what, but I'm feeling positive about this crackpot scheme.

Which is more than I could say about earlier. I was in such a fucking weird mood earlier tonight.

Thank god that passed. (For now.)

a dilemma...

Tonight was all kinds of amazing.

And yet all kinds of fucking WEIRD.

Let's start with the not-so-strange and make our way to the fucking weird.

First off - I'm getting along with Twinkles McDonkerdigglepants much better than I thought I would. I'm actually having fun with him around, and he's nice enough to buy food for us. Talk about a guest who knows how to make himself welcome. I wouldn't really mind having him around a couple more days if he wanted to. He's a great guy, and it's no wonder Liz likes him so much. (I'm sure the nature of their relationship isn't helping her with the separation anxiety. But that's not a story for me to tell.)

Now we're getting to some of the weirder bits.

A couple days ago, Andrew and Liz and I went out on the balcony and smoked a cigar together. This would be quite not-so-strange except that I never in a million years pictured myself smoking anything. Well. Not only this. But I think I may actually at some point take him up on his offer... But we'll see. It doesn't surprise me about anything that went down, but it did surprise me that I'm feeling pretty sure that that standing offer will be accepted. And based on tonight it could very well be this summer. Good lord. What the hell is going on with me?!

Well. Yes. So smoking cigars is a new fun activity for me. Wow. Didn't see that one coming.

You know what else I never in a bajillion years saw coming?

Drinking.

Of alcoholic beverages.

I partook. And I'm not sorry. I think if there were any people that I would sit out in the garden smoking a cigar and drinking a Smirnoff with it would be that group. I absolutely LOVED it. And I can't think of a better way to spend summer. I think when I finally turn 21 and can obtain alcohol legally it's going to be the best summer ever! (Only 2 years now, anyway.) But seriously: smoking. Drinking. What next? Well. Actually, I'm pretty sure I know. But. Geez. Wow.

I didn't get drunk. Or tipsy. Maybe a little buzzed. But I only had one bottle of passion fruit Smirnoff and about half a bottle of some blueberry beer that was rather mediocre. So not too bad, but by no means what I would've thought I'd do. What in the HELL.

I think the thing that gets me is that I don't know what to tell anybody. Obviously Liz and Andrew know. They were there. So it's cool. Froomies know. But do I tell Becky? Kelly? Not Mary or Sparkie. Oh my god. When will I tell my dad? I know he wouldn't have a problem with it (as long as I don't get shit-faced or do something stupid.) And even if I were smoking pot he'd probably ask if I want to smoke with him sometime. I may take him up on a cigar. But nothing more.

And my mom? Never. Well. Maybe when I finally tell her about my tattoo. Face-to-face.

Seriously, though? Tonight was the best night yet, which says a HELLUVA lot. Because that first cigar night was pretty amazing. Tonight was better. And I can't wait to see what comes next.

I love my froomie and f-froomie.

Away from UNCG

Well. It's been about 2 and a half weeks. And it feels like it's been either a week or a month, depending on when you get at me. Odd.

But while I'm away from school I find myself wanting to do things on campus more. It's rather odd. Like... I want to go on the swings, I want to just go for a walk or two down College Ave, or just around campus. And more specifically: TSCH.

Tate Street Coffee House.

Today I got the extreme urge to go get a Black and Tan. (Mmmmm coffee, chocolate, caramel.) Yesterday I really wanted a Clockwork Orange. But today I also wanted to go to the live jazz jam on Thursday. I wonder how practical this is, since Liz will have Twinkles McDonker-pants here, but I think I may go regardless. We'll see. And who knows, maybe Twinkles has an interest in going to a live jazz show? And if not this week then maybe some other time over the summer. There's plenty of opportunities. And it should be really fun!

Plus I just want to utilize my TSCH mug. :)

What the hell...

Several things:

You use to tell me that my roomie was a bitch for talking on the phone in the room. That it was hella awkward. What if I didn't want to hear the conversation. Much less only half of it.

So why are you doing it now?

Seriously. I don't want to hear it. I don't think I really even want to hear any of it. I'm tired of drama. I was happy to get to summer to get away from the drama that WAS my roomie.

I just want to listen to my fucking music. What the hell.

And also. You said - almost an hour ago - "brb".

Where the fuck are you?

What the hell.

But maybe it's the internet? It seems to be crapping out on me. What the hell.

And apparently my facebook is currently down for site maintenance. I just want to post that I'm having internet problems and going to bed. What the helllllll.

Have you ever watched an ant crawling and wondered how far away it is from its colony?

What if the ant was crawing into a trashbag last week, and it got taken out in the garbage and ended up in the dump. Then it realized it was far from home and started trekking (I don't know how to spell that) back home, and it's in the middle of this fantastic journey when you see it! Maybe it knows exactly where it's headed. Or maybe it hasn't the foggiest idea, but he/she/it will stop at nothing until he/she/it is satisfied!
Or maybe it's 5 inches away from its hill.

I like to think it's the first one. :]

And by that I mean...

When do we draw the line of where parental interference ends?

Financial independance?

That's my best guess so far.

I'm so ready to move out for the summer, and I am so happy to have the friends that I have. I'm absolutely excited about spending my summer with Liz, and I am ready. For the most part.

- If you wait through a storm, you will get to see the most beautiful sky you've seen in a long time. -

And can I just say - my friends are so amazing.

I have been trying to clean out that kitchen for months now, and in one night we already finished about a quarter of it. I never would have done it without them. Ever.

But probably my favorite part of the night was when we sat outside on the blanket with our pizza and just talked.

Summer is going to be the most amazing ever.

This is quite clear already.